Before We Begin
This guide is about curiosity, not performance. There is no finish line here, no checklist to complete, no way to get it wrong. Your body is not a problem to solve — it is a landscape to explore.
Squirting (female ejaculation) is a real physiological response. Some bodies do it easily. Some never do. Both are completely normal. The point of this guide isn't to "make it happen" — it's to help you understand your anatomy, build awareness of your pelvic floor, and explore sensation with an open, unhurried mind.
A gentle note: If this is new territory for you, go slowly. Read through the whole guide first. There is no timeline and no pressure. Your body already knows what feels good — sometimes we just need to learn how to listen.
What Actually Happens: The Science
Let's start with what we know. The fluid released during squirting comes primarily from the Skene's glands (also called the paraurethral glands), which sit on either side of the urethra, close to the G-spot area.
Research has shown:
- Salama et al. (2015) used ultrasound imaging to confirm that the bladder fills rapidly during arousal and empties during squirting. The fluid passes through the urethra but is not urine — biochemical analysis showed it contains prostatic-specific antigen (PSA), a marker produced by the Skene's glands.
- Inoue et al. (2022) identified two distinct types of female ejaculation: a small volume of thick, whitish fluid from the Skene's glands, and a larger volume of dilute fluid from the bladder. Many people experience a blend of both.
- The Skene's glands are embryologically equivalent to the male prostate — which is why female ejaculation shares biochemical markers with prostatic fluid.
What this means for you: The sensation of "needing to pee" during G-spot stimulation is extremely common and is usually the feeling of the Skene's glands and surrounding tissue being stimulated. It does not mean you are about to urinate. Understanding this can help you relax into the sensation rather than clenching against it.
Anatomy Worth Knowing
| Structure | Where It Is | Why It Matters |
|---|---|---|
| Skene's glands | Either side of the urethral opening | Primary source of ejaculatory fluid |
| G-spot area | Anterior (front) vaginal wall, 2-3 inches inside | Dense nerve tissue overlying the Skene's glands and urethral sponge |
| Urethral sponge | Tissue surrounding the urethra, behind the vaginal wall | Swells with arousal; the "ridged" texture you can feel |
| Clitoral complex | Extends internally around the vaginal canal | The clitoris is much larger than the external glans — its internal legs wrap around the vaginal opening |
| Pelvic floor muscles | Hammock of muscles from pubic bone to tailbone | Control the release; learning to relax them is key |
Worth knowing: The size of the Skene's glands varies significantly between individuals. Some people have very prominent glands; others have minimal glandular tissue. This is one reason why squirting comes naturally to some and not to others — and neither experience says anything about your capacity for pleasure.
Your Pelvic Floor: The Foundation
Your pelvic floor muscles play a central role in ejaculation, orgasm, and sexual sensation generally. Most guidance focuses on strengthening these muscles (Kegels), but for squirting and deeper pleasure, learning to fully relax them is equally important.
Think of it this way: a muscle that can only contract is a muscle that can't release. And release is exactly what squirting requires.
A Gentle Pelvic Floor Protocol
This isn't a workout programme — it's a practice of getting to know your body. Do these exercises when you're relaxed, not rushed. Even 5 minutes a few times a week makes a difference over time.
Research note: Brotto et al. demonstrated that women who develop greater awareness of pelvic floor sensation report significantly higher arousal and more satisfying sexual experiences — regardless of whether squirting occurs.
| Exercise | How To | Duration | What You're Learning |
|---|---|---|---|
| Find your pelvic floor | Sit comfortably. Imagine you're stopping the flow of urine mid-stream, then gently lifting a blueberry with your vaginal muscles. That engagement is your pelvic floor. | 1-2 min | Awareness — knowing where these muscles are |
| Slow contractions | Gently squeeze your pelvic floor, hold for 5 seconds, then slowly release for 5 seconds. The release is as important as the squeeze. | 10 reps, 2-3 sets | Controlled engagement and — crucially — full release |
| Quick pulses | Contract and release rapidly, one second each. Keep your breathing steady. | 10 reps, 2-3 sets | Responsiveness and muscle awareness |
| The full release | Contract your pelvic floor gently, hold for 3 seconds, then consciously release beyond your resting state — imagine the muscles softening, opening, letting go completely. Breathe out as you release. | 10 reps | Learning to fully relax — this is the skill that matters most for ejaculation |
| Breathing integration | On your inhale, let your pelvic floor naturally descend and soften. On your exhale, let it gently engage. Follow the breath without forcing. | 2-3 min | Connecting breath to pelvic floor; building the mind-body pathway |
| Bear-down awareness | Very gently bear down (as if you're about to have a bowel movement) — just enough to feel the pelvic floor open and descend. This is the "push" sensation involved in ejaculation. Practice it gently. | 5-10 reps | Understanding the release/push mechanism without straining |
Be patient with yourself. Pelvic floor awareness develops over weeks, not days. You might feel very little at first. That's normal. The neural pathways between your brain and these muscles strengthen with practice, like any skill.
For Postpartum Bodies
If you've given birth, your pelvic floor may need extra care. The muscles may be weakened, overstretched, or holding tension patterns from pregnancy and delivery.
- Start with awareness only — just noticing where these muscles are, without trying to engage strongly
- Focus on the release exercises first — postpartum pelvic floors often carry tension even when weak
- Consider seeing a pelvic floor physiotherapist — they can assess your specific situation and guide you
- There is no rush. Healing timelines vary enormously. Honour yours.
Setting the Scene
The single most important thing you can do is create conditions where your body feels safe enough to let go. Squirting requires relaxation and surrender — the opposite of performance anxiety.
Physical Preparation
- Empty your bladder beforehand. This helps with the psychological comfort of knowing your bladder is empty, so you can relax into any "I need to pee" sensations without anxiety.
- Put down a towel or waterproof pad. Removing worry about mess removes a mental barrier. Some people prefer dark-colored towels so there's nothing to visually analyse afterward.
- Warm the room. Your body tenses when cold. Warm space = relaxed muscles.
- Have water nearby. Staying hydrated supports arousal and fluid production.
- Lube is your friend. Even with natural lubrication, additional lube (water-based for toys, silicone-based for skin-on-skin) reduces friction and allows sensation to be the focus rather than discomfort.
Mental Preparation
- Give yourself time. This is not a 10-minute endeavour. Set aside at least 45-60 minutes with no agenda.
- Let go of the goal. Paradoxically, the more you try to make squirting happen, the less likely it becomes. The pelvic floor tightens with effort and anxiety. Your only task is to feel good.
- Arousal first, exploration second. Spend plenty of time building arousal through whatever works for you — fantasy, erotica, external clitoral stimulation, full-body touch — before any G-spot exploration.
This matters: Arousal causes the urethral sponge and Skene's glands to engorge with blood and fluid. Without sufficient arousal, the G-spot area feels flat and unremarkable. With arousal, it becomes swollen, ridged, and responsive. Rushing to G-spot stimulation before your body is ready is the most common reason people feel "nothing."
How to Explore
Finding the G-Spot Area
- Get comfortable. Lying on your back with knees bent is a good starting position. A pillow under your hips can help with angle.
- Build arousal first. 15-20 minutes of whatever turns you on. External clitoral stimulation, fantasy, touch — there are no rules here.
- Insert one or two fingers, palm-up. Curl your fingers in a "come hither" motion toward the front (belly-button side) of your vaginal wall.
- About 2-3 inches inside, you'll feel a patch of tissue that's different from the surrounding smooth vaginal wall. It may feel ridged, spongy, or slightly textured. This is the urethral sponge / G-spot area.
- When you're aroused, this area will be noticeably swollen and more pronounced. If it feels flat, spend more time building arousal.
Types of Touch
There's no single "correct" technique. Different bodies respond to different kinds of stimulation. Experiment with:
- "Come hither" stroking — curling your fingers rhythmically against the G-spot area
- Steady pressure — pressing firmly against the tissue and holding
- Circular motions — small circles over the area
- Rocking/pulsing — a gentle rhythmic push against the tissue
- Combination — external clitoral stimulation combined with internal G-spot touch (many people find this combination is key)
Pressure matters more than speed. The G-spot area responds to firm, deliberate pressure rather than light, fast touch. Think of the pressure you'd use to massage a knot out of your shoulder.
The "I Need to Pee" Feeling
This is the moment most people instinctively clench and pull back. Here's what's actually happening:
The Skene's glands and urethral sponge are being stimulated. The sensation travels along the same nerve pathways as bladder fullness. Your brain interprets this as "I need to pee" because that's the closest reference point it has.
What to do:
- Remember that you emptied your bladder. You don't need to pee. This is arousal.
- Breathe. Deep belly breaths. Let your exhale be longer than your inhale.
- Consciously relax your pelvic floor. This is where your pelvic floor practice pays off. Instead of clenching, soften. Let go.
- Lean into the sensation. Rather than pulling away from it, breathe into it. Let it build.
- If it helps, gently bear down — the slight "push" you practiced in the pelvic floor exercises. Not forcefully — just a gentle opening.
It bears repeating: The fluid is not urine. Biochemical analysis consistently shows the presence of PSA and other markers that distinguish it from urine. If you emptied your bladder beforehand, you can trust your body.
With a Partner
If you're exploring with a partner, communication is everything:
- Talk about what feels good. "A little harder," "slower," "right there" — simple feedback makes all the difference.
- Your partner's arm may get tired. G-spot stimulation requires sustained, firm pressure. Switching hands, using toys, or changing positions can help.
- The person receiving should focus entirely on sensation. Let your partner handle the "doing." Your job is to feel and communicate.
- Your partner can combine oral or manual clitoral stimulation with internal G-spot touch. This combination is often powerfully effective.
Positions for Exploration
Different positions change the angle and pressure on the G-spot area. What works varies by body — experiment with what feels best for you.
| Position | How | Why It Works |
|---|---|---|
| On your back | Lying down, knees bent, pillow under hips. Partner or self uses fingers/toy palm-up. | Good starting position. Easy access, relaxed body. Pillow tilts pelvis for better angle. |
| On all fours | Kneeling with chest lowered. Partner uses fingers/toy from behind, curving toward belly. | Changes the angle of pressure. Gravity assists. Many people find this position intensifies sensation. |
| Sitting/squatting | Sit on the edge of a bed, or squat over a towel. Self or partner stimulates from the front. | Gravity helps with release. Pelvic floor is naturally more relaxed in a squat. |
| Side-lying | Lie on your side with top knee drawn up. Partner approaches from behind. | Very relaxed position. Good when you want less intensity and more sustained, gentle stimulation. |
Toys and Tools
You don't need any toys. Fingers work beautifully. But if you're interested, certain toys are designed with G-spot stimulation in mind:
What to look for:
- Curved shape — a pronounced curve reaches the G-spot area more easily than straight toys
- Firm material — silicone with some rigidity provides the deliberate pressure the G-spot responds to (very soft, floppy toys don't deliver enough pressure)
- Smooth surface — the G-spot area is sensitive; textured surfaces can be overwhelming for some
Body-safe materials matter. Look for medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, or borosilicate glass. Avoid jelly rubber, PVC, or anything with a strong chemical smell.
Lube recommendations:
- Water-based with silicone toys (silicone lube can degrade silicone toys)
- Silicone-based for longer-lasting slip with fingers or glass/steel toys
- Avoid anything with glycerin, parabens, or warming/cooling agents for internal use
Things Worth Knowing
"Nothing is happening"
The G-spot area requires significant arousal to become responsive. If you're not feeling much:
- Spend more time building arousal before internal stimulation
- Try firmer pressure — many people are surprised by how much pressure the G-spot area enjoys
- Ensure you're actually on the front vaginal wall, not the back
- Try different positions — angle matters
"I keep tensing up"
This is your pelvic floor contracting, usually from anxiety or the "pee" sensation. It's the most common barrier.
- Return to your pelvic floor release exercises
- Practice the "bear down" gently during arousal
- Focus on your breathing — exhale and soften
- Remove the goal entirely. Just explore sensation for its own sake
"It happened but it was a tiny amount"
Volume varies enormously between individuals and between sessions. Some people release a few drops. Others release much more. Volume is influenced by hydration, arousal level, hormonal cycle, and individual Skene's gland anatomy. A small amount is not "less" of an experience.
"I'm not sure if that was squirting or not"
It might have been. The distinction between vaginal lubrication, female ejaculation, and squirting isn't always clear-cut — even to researchers. If you felt a release, a gush of warmth, or wetness that seemed to come in a wave with orgasm or G-spot stimulation, that's likely some form of ejaculation. Don't get caught up in categorising it.
Medication and hormonal considerations
- Hormonal contraceptives can affect vaginal tissue hydration and arousal response. If you've noticed changes in sensation or lubrication since starting hormonal birth control, this is well-documented and worth discussing with your healthcare provider.
- SSRIs and SNRIs (antidepressants) can delay orgasm and reduce genital sensation. This doesn't mean squirting is impossible, but it may require more patience and arousal time.
- Menopause and perimenopause bring changes to vaginal tissue elasticity and lubrication. Additional lube, longer arousal time, and gentler approach may help. Vaginal oestrogen (prescribed by a doctor) can also help with tissue health.
The Mental Landscape
This section might be the most important one.
Letting Go of Performance
Our culture treats sex as a performance with measurable outcomes. Squirting has become another item on a sexual achievement checklist — something to "accomplish." This framing is the enemy of the experience.
Squirting happens when the body feels safe enough and aroused enough to release. It's not something you can willpower into existence. In fact, trying harder actively prevents it by engaging the very muscles that need to relax.
The paradox: You're most likely to experience it when you genuinely don't care whether it happens.
Shame and the "Mess" Factor
Many people who are physically capable of squirting have unconsciously trained themselves not to because of:
- Fear of wetting the bed
- Embarrassment about the volume of fluid
- Worry about what a partner will think
- Childhood associations between genital wetness and "accidents"
These are deep patterns. They don't dissolve overnight. Be gentle with yourself as you notice them.
Practical reframing: You've put a towel down. The sheets can be washed. Your body doing what it naturally does is not a mess — it's a response. Give yourself full permission to be wet, to be loud, to take up space.
Mindfulness and Arousal
Research by Lori Brotto and others has shown that mindfulness-based practices significantly improve sexual arousal, sensation, and satisfaction in women. This isn't about meditation during sex — it's about the capacity to stay present with physical sensation rather than drifting into your head.
Simple practice:
- During self-exploration, notice when your mind wanders to thoughts like "Is this working?" or "Am I doing it right?"
- Gently return attention to what you're physically feeling — temperature, pressure, texture, sensation
- No judgement about the wandering. Just notice and return.
Over time, this builds the mind-body connection that deepens all sexual experience.
Your Exploration Journey
There is no correct timeline. Some people experience ejaculation the first time they explore with intention. Others practice for months. Some never do, and have profoundly satisfying sexual lives regardless.
Week 1-2: Foundation
- Read through this guide completely
- Begin the pelvic floor awareness exercises (5 minutes, 3-4 times per week)
- Practice the "full release" and "bear down" exercises specifically
- No pressure to try anything sexual yet — just build the foundation
Week 3-4: Solo Exploration
- Set aside unhurried time for self-exploration
- Focus on building high arousal before any G-spot exploration
- Practice finding the G-spot area while aroused
- Experiment with different pressures and motions
- If the "pee" sensation arises, practice breathing into it and relaxing your pelvic floor
- Remember: sensation IS the goal. Not squirting. Sensation.
Week 5+: Deepening
- Continue pelvic floor work
- Experiment with different positions
- If you have a partner, begin exploring together with clear communication
- Try combining clitoral and G-spot stimulation
- Notice what your body responds to most — and do more of that
- Let go of any remaining timeline expectations
A final thought: Your body is not a project. There is nothing broken that needs fixing, nothing missing that needs adding. Whatever your body does in response to pleasure — whether that includes squirting or not — is exactly right. The real gift isn't in the destination. It's in the willingness to explore with kindness and curiosity.
Ready to go deeper?
The Self Reawakening: For Her is a 6-week guided journey that puts these techniques into practice — session by session, at your own pace.
References
- Salama, S., et al. (2015). "Nature and origin of 'squirting' in female sexuality." The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(3), 661-666.
- Inoue, M., et al. (2022). "Biochemical and ultrasound analysis of female ejaculation." International Journal of Urology, 29(6), 533-539.
- Brotto, L.A., et al. (2008). "Mindfulness-based group therapy for women with provoked vestibulodynia." Mindfulness, 6(3), 417-432.
- Pastor, Z., & Chmel, R. (2018). "Differential diagnostics of female 'sexual' fluids: a narrative review." International Urogynecology Journal, 29(5), 621-629.
- O'Connell, H.E., et al. (2005). "Anatomy of the clitoris." The Journal of Urology, 174(4), 1189-1195.
- Grafenberg, E. (1950). "The role of the urethra in female orgasm." International Journal of Sexology, 3, 145-148.