self compassion
From Shame to Curiosity
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Scene — prepare
Rain
6 Hz Theta
Deep journal-heavy session. Names shame, traces its origin, and converts it to curiosity. The core therapeutic session for working through sexual shame.
How to use
This is the deepest psychological session in Pura. Have a journal and pen nearby. The session includes reflection pauses for writing. Touch is minimal and entirely optional. Do not do this session when you are already emotionally depleted — choose a day when you have some resilience available.
The science
Shame is stored in the body as a visceral, autonomic response — it activates the same neural circuits as physical pain (anterior cingulate cortex, insula). Affect labelling — the act of naming an emotion — reduces amygdala activation by up to 50%, effectively deactivating the threat response. Tracing shame to its origin externalises it, transforming it from "who I am" to "something that happened to me." This reattribution is a core mechanism in both CBT and acceptance and commitment therapy.
Tips
- Write everything down — even fragments. Externalising shame onto paper reduces its power
- If emotions feel overwhelming, return to the grounding breath and stay there as long as you need
- You may want to do this session 2-3 times — each time peels a different layer
- This is the centrepiece of the Shame to Self-Care plan
Precautions
- For adults 18+ only
- This session may surface difficult emotions. If you have a history of sexual trauma, consider working with a therapist alongside this practice.
Session phases
Scene — prepare
Find somewhere quiet and comfortable. Sit or lie down — whatever feels right. Put your phone on silent. You do not need anything for this session except your attention. This time is yours.
Scene — welcome
Welcome to From Shame to Curiosity. This is a sixteen minute session. Whatever happens is exactly right. There is no goal, no performance, and no wrong way to do this.
Scene — arrive
Close your eyes. Place one hand on your belly. Breathe in through your nose for four counts. Out through your mouth for six. Let your shoulders soften. Let your jaw release. With each exhale, allow a little more weight to settle into the surface beneath you. There is nothing to do. Nowhere to be. Just this breath and the awareness it brings.
Grounding breath
Before we begin, ground yourself. Five deep breaths. This session asks you to be honest with yourself. Honesty requires safety. You are safe here. Nothing you think or feel in this space is wrong. Nothing leaves this room unless you choose to share it.
Naming — what comes up?
When you think about self-pleasure — not in theory, but for yourself, personally — what feeling surfaces? Name it. Shame. Guilt. Embarrassment. Anxiety. Excitement mixed with discomfort. Whatever it is, name it silently or write it down. Naming a feeling reduces its power by activating the prefrontal cortex. You are not your feelings. You are the one who notices them.
Origin — where did it come from?
Where did this feeling first come from? Was it a person? A parent, a teacher, a religious leader, a partner? Was it a message? Something you read or watched or overheard? Was it a moment — something that happened, or something someone said? You did not choose to feel this way. The feeling was installed. By someone else. For their reasons, not yours.
Examination — is it true?
Ask honestly: is this message true? Does it serve me? The person who gave me this message — were they right? Were they qualified? Were they happy? Were they speaking from their own shame, passed down through their own history? A message can feel true without being true. Feelings are not facts.
Replacement — what if curiosity?
What if you replaced the old message with curiosity? Not certainty. Not permission. Just curiosity. What would I explore if shame were not in the way? What would I try? What would I learn about myself? Curiosity is the antidote to shame. Shame says: do not look. Curiosity says: what is there?
Body moment — gentle self-touch
If you feel comfortable, gently touch your own hands and arms. Nothing intimate — just presence. While you touch, repeat silently: I am allowed to know my own body. I am allowed to explore. I am allowed to feel good. If these words feel difficult, notice that. The difficulty is the old message fighting the new one. Both can exist. You get to choose which one you feed.
Return — light in the dark
Three breaths. Shame shrinks in the light. You just brought light. You looked at an old message, examined it, and began to replace it. This is not a one-time fix — it is a practice. Each time you return here, the new message grows stronger. Each time, shame takes up a little less space.